Let's make better mistakes tomorrow.
Knowing..
Here we go again.. It’s hard to try to cover up the truth with lies. Trynna make it seem more real.. Trying to make it more like I want it to be.
It’s stupidI know. But it helps me go on through the day. You know what I think? I think the authors of fantasy books are much like me.. They create this world with their imagination and maybe some of their broken dreams. Or maybe, I’m like the people who loves to buy those kind of books.. I create my own walls then take someone’s view ‘cause there’s nothing interesting about my own.. I don’t really know who I am. Or maybe I do. I don’t know.. Doesn’t feel so good to not be sure of almost anything all the time. Kinda scary I admit.
Now, this thing with her is just.. wonderful. But it feels wrong and right at the same time. I like it. Such escape shouldn’t be taken for granted. This relationship wasn’t built on a strong foundation though.. From the very beginning it wasn’t strong enough for a storm. It had doubts, secrets, and things like that. I don’t want to talk about trust.. I don’t want this to revolve around me. Instead, l’m gonna talk about us.
US. Such a nice word pertaining to two or more people.. Opposite of being alone.. But not exactly to being lonely because you see, two people means two different bodies.. two differeny minds. With a mind like mine, it’s like a world within a world. It’s just so complex. Anyway, back to what I was saying.. From the beginning this relationship was ln’t steady at all. I mean I don’t think it should be cause then that would be too boring but it shouldn’t be that rocky either cause then that would collapse.. Okay, so my point is, I don’t think it’s not gonna last. I won’t lie, I hope that it would. The reason why I cry most of the time is because I know it wouldn’t last. Such a selfish thing to think I know.. Deciding for the both of us. Concluding something without her consent. But I just feel it. Not to be rude but of course I also have my own reasons why.. And of course there are reasons. There’s her and her uncertainty with me. She won’t admit it but I know in her heart that she’s not yet sure with me at all. Her love is the best but it’s not right.. not for me. I don’t think she loves me as much as she says she does. Again, I have my reasons. Truth is, my love wasn’t the only thing that changed.. hers too. So about “us” not lasting.. On my part, I don’t think it’s gonna last simply because nothing almost ever last with me.
